Remembering the LIFE of Nilvia Dejesus' Baby -You will never be forgotten
This is my Story
Hello my name is Nilvia DeJesus and I have been living with my story in silence for four years...
I finally decided to get my story out on The Adonis Foundation. I was 20 years old about to be 21 and was just beginning to live what I thought was living...
drinking smoking and thought I met a guy who I thought liked me for me. I knew him for months and knew his family and I was just in awe at how much I liked him. Back then I didn't really go gaga for guys cause I was single and loved my "freedom"... I let my guard down for him and let him inside. What I didn't know is that moment would change my life forever...
Two months later I felt pain that felt like tadpoles in my stomach, so I went to the hospital. After hours of being there the doctor comes to tell me I'm ten weeks pregnant. I was in shock, so I went to go tell my baby's father that he was going to be a father, for the third time. I was too scared to tell him so I told his cousin who told him. The next day I got a message from him telling me I need to stop lying and that I'm not pregnant. I remember thinking how mean and hurtful those words felt. So I just didn't answer... I just let it go and never talked or saw him again. The whole situation made me angry about being pregnant. I had always imagined when I got pregnant I would be in a relationship happy and waiting for this little bundle of joy... but it wasn't like that. I was depressed and pregnant, praying to God that I wasn't in that situation I was in. But I still loved my baby I saw that heart beat and my heart melted. I could never think bad about my baby! HOWEVER, about three weeks later... I went to the bathroom and saw nothing but blood
I frantically called my friend and she came to pick me up. I went straight to the ER and after hours of waiting... the doctor came to tell me "that I lost my baby."
Those words still ring in my head.
How can you tell me that I lost my baby like if my baby was money or keys and just walk away?
Being pregnant without someone to share it with was depressing. But going through those two months of terror... Felt like dying over and over again.
My baby wasn't my baby he/she was an angel God took away from me and only he knows why. The worst part about it is that a girl I knew was pregnant too. She had the same due date I did. I watched as another woman had her baby and
I was still babyless... I was dying inside... considering suicide, cause I thought if God didn't feel I was good enough to be a mother. Asking God, then what is the purpose for me on this earth. I felt less then a woman. I was in a real dark place when I found the Adonis Foundation. I got a lot of help from them. Alyssa Auld, the founder, even told me her story... about her babies. It made me feel so much better, knowing someone else understood me. Now I am in such a better place in my life. I still think about and remember my baby... but its in a good way. My baby was, is, and will always be something amazing.
Thanks for reading my story and please say a prayer for all those Mothers who have lost a child.
R.I.P. you will be my baby for ever '2010'.... <3
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