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Stages of Grief

Shock & Denial

During shock & disbelief, you will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.

Hostile Reactions

Frustration and sadness gives way to anger. You may lash out and lay unjustifiable blame on others.

Questioning, such as:
      • "Lord, Why Me?"
      • "What could I have done differently?"
      • "Was it something I did?"
are perfectly normal.

You should NOT take your anger out on others in spite of how you feel.

Please keep in mind that this is the time and opportunity to release bottled up emotion in a positive way.

You may also try to bargain in vain for a way out of your despair.
(i.e. "Lord, if you just bring my baby back I will change my negative habits")

Guilt

As the shock & anger wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although the pain might feel excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully. That you do not hide it, avoid it, or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do. Life feels extremely chaotic and scary during this phase.

Sadness & Depression

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sadness & reflection is likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect, and focus on memories. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

Depression Hurts Everyone!

Surviving

Day to day living. During the last stage, you learn to survive with the reality of your situation. You find a way forward.

You start looking forward to the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your loss without pain. You will still experience the sadness, however, the wrenching pain will be gone.

You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and even find joy again in the experience of living.